Feed the Warrior!

Scene setting:

Lance Armstrong is running on a treadmill inside Dick’s Sporting Goods, wearing khakis, a Livestrong t-shirt, and a Dick’s Sporting Goods nametag. In front of him is a lethargic looking customer, who might have previously asked him a question about training.

Lance: The marathon was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But remember, ‘Pain is temporary, and quitting lasts forever.’ You want to feed the warrior?

Customer: What?

Lance: Feed the warrior 20 pounds!

Customer hands Lance two 20lb dumbbells.

Lance: You feed the warrior by training the body to respond to the mind.

Customer: Yeah, I was thinking of maybe just getting into a little light cardio, so . . .

Uncomfortable silence while Lance glares at the customer

Lance: Hey Kevin, you mind showing this nice customer how to kill the coward within?

Kevin turns away to stock some folded shirts . . .

Store Loudspeaker: “Manager Lance to main register.”


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